Dear Europe

Re: The Final Countdown

It was with sadness and disappointment that I received your above announcement. Having been an avid viewer since its inception in 1982, I share your sense of loss at Channel 4’s apparent decision to “axe” Yorkshire Television’s popular daily “word-puzzle”.

I acknowledge the recent difficulties the programme has encountered; indeed, one can perhaps trace its decline from the untimely passing away of the late Mr Whitely, the much-mourned presenter. Nevertheless, the news comes as something of an unpleasant surprise, despite Mr Tempest’s tuneful delivery.

However, I would urge you to reconsider your plan to relocate to another planet. Such an ambitious and perilous scheme fills me with concern for your well-being; distraught as you clearly are at present, one cannot help considering that this option would represent an overreaction on your part.

May I make a suggestion to alleviate the mood. I am in possession of a “Countdown” board game, which is a most enjoyable distraction, especially when played in company. I would like to invite all five members of Europe for an evening “chez Turnbull” in which we compete, in a cordial atmosphere, with refreshments provided. I fear that my wife and I would perhaps hold a slight advantage, being native speakers of English, and propose that Europe are awarded an additional 6 seconds for each letter-based round. (This concession would obviously not apply to the “numbers” rounds). Perhaps, if they can be persuaded to put down their musical instruments, two of your wittier members would act as the custodians of “Dictionary Corner” for the duration of the activity. Dress code is casual or informal, but scruffy attire, or excessive “rock and roll” behaviour, will not be tolerated.

I would suggest next Thursday, the 18th, as a suitable date for the soiree to take place. Please let me know me if this is convenient, and whether any of the band members have special dietary requirements.

Thank you in advance

Wilf Turnbull

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