Dear "Wizzard"

Re: I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day


Imagine, Wizzard, that your desire has been granted and each new dawn now heralds another 25th December. I will admit that the first day may well be most enjoyable, and the following, previously called “Boxing Day”, is perhaps also pleasant, save for the desire to consume something other than turkey. In addition, the television schedules would be equally rich in expensively-produced yet disappointing films, and we are all likely to be rather bloated from overdoing the twiglets, mince pies and “tipples”!

As Christmas-time continues into a third day and beyond, “Band Aid” are proved wrong; there certainly is a need to be afraid, as tempers fray. The Yuletide-themed musings of Messrs Holder, Richard and Stevens et al would surely begin to pall, and children grow increasingly disappointed as the area under the now balding tree rapidly becomes a giftless void. Continued over-indulgence results in kidney pains and chronic indigestion, lethargy, and family arguments. Moreover, the vast majority of the workforce is on holiday, with grave consequences. National levels of productivity and economic health would drop dangerously; the emergency and security services will become fatally overstretched; infrastructure is neglected or poorly maintained; the education system is effectively eliminated; and transport and retail grind to a halt.

In addition, one shudders to consider the environmental and human impact of a permanent midwinter climate on these islands. Amidst this eternally grey and frozen backdrop, it is easy to imagine anarchy taking hold. Cities burn, viral plagues spread, the value of human life plummets and millions perish in anguish and agony in this lawless cesspool we used to call “society”.

Unfortunately, one cannot help feeling that you did not think this “wish” through, Wizzard. However, in the spirit of the festive season, I would like to wish you good luck with your future Yuletide offerings.

Yours sincerely

Derek Philpott


P.S. Snowmen do not “bring” snow, Wizzard. The rotund effigies are made from the substance

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