Re: Barbados
I recently became aware of your intention to visit your girlfriend in the Caribbean. The message is delivered in a jaunty, upbeat style, presumably as you are feeling excited about your forthcoming adventure. However, Messrs Tropical, I feel I must warn you of a rather serious drawback regarding your planned holiday.
Despite detailed investigation, I can find no record anywhere of an airline called “Coconut Airways”, and can only conclude that such a company does not exist. It is to be hoped that you have not as yet paid any kind of deposit, and I would strongly advise making alternative transport arrangements. Indeed, “Captain Tobias Willcock” would also appear to be a fictitious character, with a bogus accent (possibly Welsh).
I am sorry to bear such disappointing news, and hope that you are not too inconvenienced. There are several reputable and real airlines which I am sure would be able to fly you to see “Mary Jane” in Barbados, although the cost of such a trip may be rather steep. In addition, as you state that you work as a bus driver in Brixton, please bear in mind that you are entitled to only 25 days of paid leave per calendar year.
On a lighter note, I heard on BBC’s excellent regional news programme “South Today” that the new visitors’ centre at Stonehenge will not now be built in the near future. This information struck me as “Triptychly Topical”!
I wish you success in your Caribbean quest, and my wife Olive and I look forward to receiving an attractive postcard.
Yours sincerely
Derek Philpott
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