Dear The Wurzels,
My understanding from BBC Wiltshire is that much of the nation’s farming community is bemoaning its current subsidy-strapped plight. Your purchase of a brand new ‘blingy thresher’ in said climate as opposed to a perfectly functional second-hand model, and your gleeful pop-chart boasting, is therefore ‘not on’.
You have also clumsily revealed also that you often guzzle apple-based fermented brewings, namely cider. 'I drinks in every day, ooh arr', you furthermore foolhardily divulge. Given that arable chores are most effectively conducted in daylight hours, it necessarily follows that you are saddled in a contraption consisting of rapidly propelled oscillating razor sharp blades of 10 foot plus in length while totally 'refreshed', as I believe you pop stars' publicity people call being completely sozzled.
I Bid You Good Day, Sirs!
Dear Mr Phillpott,
Thank you for your letter; it's nice to know that you've taken the time to scrutinize our lyrics in context of the current agricultural climate.
Clearly you're not a farming man and you probably think that the main purpose of a combine harvester is to harvest crops? Well, yes, yes it is, BUT, what do we use it for the rest of year? Simple; cruisin' round for crumpet like Snoopiddy Dog-Dog.
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