Dear The Belle Stars

My wife Jean is a stickler for cleanliness in the bedroom, insistong on replacing the duvet cover, pillow cases and mattress protector at least once a week.

One is therefore not surprised to learn that as you lie there thinking of your suitor and realise that nothing is new and then lying in your bed say he is lying (presumably also horizontal upon the framework) and nothing has changed, that he is a little uncomfy pertaining to the hygiene of your slumber linen.

That you are strong in bed is not open to debate given that on Top of the Pops when Pat Sharp introduced you you all looked very trim, but sadly bed bugs are equally resilient. I fear that you may have misinterpreted you partner ''giving you nothing more than a shove'' as a disparaging act when in fact he may have been simply jostling you away from a concentrated patch of the parasitic insects (Cimex lectularius).

This may well be a piece of more to come

I agree that this is a sign of the times, The Belle Stars as we all live very hectic lives, but as for ''time to be alone'', you might find this ''useless love-affair''to be nothing that that a hot wash or a trip to DFS might not fix. He might just ''want success'' in achieving , if you will pardon the pun, ''clean sheet''!

Yours sincerely




Derek Philpott



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