Dear Scarlet Fantastic,


I am confused, yet impressed, my crimson far-fetched friends. On TOTP 2 recently you stated that you have no memory tonight (no memory, no, memory) and yet seemed able to recall all of your lyrics of your song about having no memory without having to read them off of a bit of paper.


I must however politely decline your request that I call you ''Shiny'' as you disappear into the sunset, as I live nowhere near the beach anymore and would rather not shell out 30 pounds on unleaded and waste a whole day on a round trip to the nearest coasts of Eastbourne or Christchurch. I could however put you in touch with Hayzi Fantayzee, as I have Kate Garner on facebook and they may be able to assist.


Finally, although I fully understand that to have the sun in your hair is merely a reference to being out on a hot day with no hat, your claim straight afterwards is a little harder to believe, and I have a similar grievance with your fellow pop star Ms. Bush. Evidence therefore to substantiate quite how an infant, or in your case, the fifth-largest natural satellite in the Solar System, could be embedded into an opticall organ averaging 24mm in diameter is required as soon as possible


I look forward to reading your reply and respectfully respect that in order that it may be legible and not smudged you do not write it sitting there in the pouring rain

Yours

 

Derek Philpott

 

 

My Dear Mr Philpott,

Or may I address you as Derek?

First of all I would like to politely ask you if you are colour blind as in fact I am not crimson but definitely scarlet, more aligned with cadmium red rather than alizarin crimson (I’m pretty up on my colour shades as I have just taken up oil painting)

I think if we are going to be specific about lyrics and texts then we have to take into account time frames. When I sang “We have no memory tonight” on TOTP I was referring to a period in time when I had no memory. I was referring to a moment of oblivion which I was greatly enjoying but it wasn’t occurring at that particular moment when I was singing the song on TV, It referred to a memory of having no memory!! Thus explaining my ability to sing the lyrics perfectly without any loss of memory whatsoever!

With regard to your trip to my beautiful seaside town Eastbourne, on England’s sunshine coast, I would recommend you try public transport. Southern rail are usually pretty good and reliable although unfortunately lately there is an ongoing dispute resulting in delays and cancellations. You could always take a bus, slower but very picturesque. Seven sisters and Beachy Head are particularly lovely beauty spots and you can see them from the top of the double decker buses which travel through the pretty little country lanes around these parts.

Kate Garner is also in my Facebook friends but I don’t need any assistance with my request to be called shiny. I’m very shiny here now thank you, everything is so shiny around here that you cannot fail to be caught in the dazzle and therefore whether you like it or not (I like it) you become shiny.

I think you may have misunderstood the lyric regarding the sun in my hair. It is in my hair, not on my head. The sun is often in my hair, regardless of the weather, so your assumption that I was singing about being out on a hot day with no hat is wrong. What I am in fact singing about is how the beautiful shiny light from the sun lights up my hair making me even more shiny, radiant in fact. It is a very desirable way to be. It is easy to be this way as long as you have hair, I’m afraid it won’t work so well if you are bald although your scalp could become shiny so maybe you would feel part of the shiny gang anyway.

I am a star child, I imagine Ms Bush is of a similar ilk. I am connected spiritually to every part of the living universe. I use my developed higher sense of intuition to navigate me through this physical life experience, I have always been a believer in my phrase “Energy breeds Energy” I think there are many people like myself , who like myself, live a life rather free of the constraints of modern society. I believe it is a yearning in my soul to return to the more core primal aspects of my being. Like the ancients, I am fascinated with the power of the moon and when I wrote “We have the moon in our eyes” I was referring to my experiences of staring at the full moon until it almost blinds me, I do this every month unless it’s cloudy. I suffer from very poor eyesight and due to this an amazing thing occurs when I stare at the moon for ages, it appears to grow in size until it fills up my vision and it is at that point it has actually entered my eyes.

I tend not to write letters in the pouring rain, I write letters on email, which I am doing now, I write them on my iMac which is in the downstairs front room of my house so there isn’t much chance of you receiving a smudged, barely legible version.

There are many things that I like to do in the pouring rain, just as well really seeing as I live in England. I remember as a child growing up in Birmingham whenever there was a thunder storm after school my brother and I would throw our swimming cossies on and go and dance around the garden, it gave us a remarkable feeling of elation and freedom! I’m afraid my long term plans of moving to Southern Spain might have been scuppered as some twits voted to leave the EU.

It’s been lovely hearing from you and I do hope I have managed to clear up any confusion re my song,

Have a lovely day,

Maggie x

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