Dear Mr. Gillan,


We are thinking of having a shed put up but regret to inform you that we will not be in a position to engage your services.

 

Sadly your timber property construction tutorial leaves much to be desired in that to take a piece of wood and join it to another piece of wood and then do it all again would not, as you misleadingly claim, conclude in a house, a little wooden house but, omitting, as it does, observances pertaining to right angles and symmetrical measurements, could only result in a very very long and useless piece of wood completely unsuitable to be resided within even if hollowed out by means unknown.

 

On the plus side, however, your hapless cabin assembly guidance does result in the absence of a highly flammable structure able to burnt to the ground by some stupid with a flare gun.

 

It is strongly recommended therefore that you refrain from undergoing any professional construction work in the future, lest you be featured on Channel 5's ''Nightmare Builders''.

 

Yours

 

D Philpott


Dear Philpott,

A bit behind the game are we? I despair of the ‘Literalati’.

Metaphorically, the ‘Little House’ could have been made of anything.

It was an imaginary symbol of something worth defending against marauding hordes and bony-arsed critics.

If your wit was as sharp as your pencil you might have gathered that the allegory was not dependent upon Euclidean principles. We all know by now that parallel lines do not exist; in fact, there is

 

 

 

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