Dear Mr. Dolby,

I went to PC World the other day as I am looking for a new Tablet, and, bombarded with ''technical specs' from a well-meaning assistant, did come out with a bit of a migraine

 

Please note hoewever that loss of sight is attributed to injury, cataracts, diseases (such as glaucoma and corneal opacity) and genetic defects, and most certainly not a systematic and testable knowledge gleaned through observation and experimentation. I would be grateful if you could also relay this information to the somewhat over animated Pyke, who really ought to know better

 

Yours

Derek Philpott (and Son)

 

 

 

Dear Mr. Dolby,

I was absolutely outraged to hear on Absolute 80s this morning that at the tender age of three you were hooked to a machine just to keep your mouth from spouting junk, before being chucked out of school because the teacher knew you had the funk. In this day and age I can assure you that gadget shackling as a means of toddler gibberish cessation would be completely unacceptable and instead most likely addressed by the administration of methyl phenidate as prescribed by a qualified paediatrician.


Furthermore, these days, although the operation of a 'Sony Walkman' or 'i-pod' may indeed be prohibited on Secondary Modern premises, it is the device itself, and not the percussive music (possibly Parliament) recorded onto the hard drive or cassette inserted therein, which may lead to unceremonious expulsion. Without wishing to ''blind you with science'', Mr. Dobly, it strikes me that had your hyperactivity been corrected diagnosed as ADHD the ingestion of Ritalin as an effective remedy would have aided you considerably. It is recommended therefore that you seek legal counsel with a view to the commencement of 'historical' litigation proceedings against your medical advisers, forthwith.

 

Yours

Derek Philpott

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