Dear Mr Stevens
Re: Green Door
I recently listened to the above composition Mr Stevens and I must say it really “struck a chord” with my wife and I, as we too are cursed with noisy neighbours who have a green front door.
Indeed, the coincidence was so striking that I initially assumed that you were alluding to the “student types” at no. 24, who have disturbed our nocturnal peace on several occasions. However, the anti-social individuals to whom I refer tend not to play a piano “hot”, preferring instead to blast out their infernal night-time din by means of an extremely powerful “hi-fi”. Therefore, I do not believe us to be neighbours; however, if we are, you are welcome to come over for a cup of tea and perhaps one of our homemade biscuits or flapjacks on a Tuesday. If we were both called Steven, you could jocularly call us “Bakin’ Stevens”! Sadly, however, we are not.
Regarding your immediate problem, perhaps a residents’ meeting could be called, in which you could air your grievance, melodically or otherwise. I would perhaps recommend informing the Police Force and Environmental Health immediately the next outbreak of noise occurs. Unfortunately, the incident will be noted and little else, as both organisations appear powerless or unwilling to deal effectively with the offence. I sincerely hope, Mr Stevens, that your “pop star” status facilitates a swift solution, which seems unlikely in our cul-de-sac.
I wish you all the best in these difficult times.