Dear Mr. Richie
I return your greeting warmly Mr Richie. However, I regret that you seem to have mistaken me for somebody else. My response to your enquiry “is it me you’re looking for?” is, unfortunately, negative. I can assure you that I have not been attempting to locate your whereabouts; indeed, we have never met, as far as I know. Coincidentally, however, I would quite like to contact an old acquaintance named Malcolm Richie, who lives in Hertfordshire.
My enjoyment of your “pop tune” was enhanced no end by the marvellous accompanying “video”, about which I wish to make an observation. I wonder if you noticed that the would-be sculptress is in fact blind. Her attempt to replicate your rugged features must be considered a good effort under the circumstances, and indeed my wife Olive commented on the quality of her bust. Such a work would certainly require considerable dedication; therefore, it is perhaps reasonable to assume that she admires you in some way.
In addition, I congratulate you on combining the twin careers of pop and pottery. I believe that the former is a fickle business, and your skill at the latter may provide future security. Olive and I would certainly consider the purchase of a “Lionel Richie Toby Jug”, should one be available at a reasonable price.
Once again, Mr Richie, I regret any misunderstanding, and hope my comments have been helpful. I wish you every success.