Dear Mr. Collins
Re: No Jacket Required
purchased one of your LP records, the title of which is
Jacket Required". I would like to take issue with this for the following reasons.
dress code which you attempt to impose is potentially dangerous,
especially at this time of year. For example, on Tuesday morning
ventured outside to the Post Office I noticed that the weather
distinctly chilly and I can assure you, Mr Collins, that a jacket
definitely was required. Many elderly people die of hypothermia
every year and if they followed your half-baked sartorial edict the figure would undoubtedly be much higher. I very much doubt whether grieving relatives would consider your advice to be appropriate.
my brother-in-law Ted is a jacket salesman, who has built up an
reputation in the Cockermouth area. He informs me that since the release of the above-mentioned LP, sales of his excellent jackets have dramatically declined. Obviously not content with causing illness and death among the most vulnerable sections of society, it seems that you intend to put honest, reliable businessmen like Ted out of business. He
feels that fifty per cent of your personal financial gain from sales of the LP would be acceptable and is currently receiving legal advice on the matter.
I would also like to point out that in certain situations jackets are expected to be worn and would question your right to dictate otherwise. When attending a rather smart party at my friend Ken's house recently I would have appeared rather foolish arriving inappropriately attired. Presumably the embarrassment you could have created is of no concern to you.
I have instructed my wife not to purchase any more of your LPs until an apology at the very least is forthcoming.