Dear Ian Brown

Re: F.E.A.R.

I have it on very good authority that your severe apprehension acronyming 'indie rave crossover' was penned in a hotel room in the huge multicultural metropolis of New York, Mr. Brown. As a keen enthusiast of word puzzles, I thought that this was a splendid idea, and decided to try and think up some more from here in similarly cosmopolitan Bournemouth.

After a hearty but ill-advised traditional breakfast, I decided to take a trip into town on the 1c, taking my Eye-Pod with me for the journey. My enjoyment of Stephen Fry reading 'The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy' was, however, marred somewhat; firstly by a heated altercation between the ticket inspector and a nonchalant youth on the top deck who was resolutely refusing to produce evidence of his Short Hop Single purchase, and, not long afterwards, someone in the seat opposite insisting on listening to a religious debate between a zealous Pentecostal Minister and an increasingly irate orthodox priest on the Jeremy Vine Show at an unspeakable volume on their portable wireless. I finally gave up listening to Arthur Dent et al completely when some schoolchildren appeared by the stairwell and began excitedly agreeing as to precisely how 'hashtag lame' they now considered one of today's modern pop stars to be. I must now shamefacedly confess that, rather than pass them on the way down for fear of being branded 'hashtag old', I half considered an alternative, rather unconventional alighting method

Needless to say, Mr. Brown, said bus-based sheenanigans were hardly conducive to my angst initialism task.

As my wife Jean has been a bit under the weather of late, I decided to cheer her up by popping into Superdrug on Commercial Road for some of her favourite bubble bath. Whilst there, and careful to avoid the contents of a massage oil bottle that had cracked open by the Men's Grooming section, I treated myself to some more Gillette Fusion Proglide Gel, in preference to most shaving facillitators which can bring me out in terrible rash.

Whilst in the queue for the checkout I was pleasantly surprised to bump into a former Gala bingo partner, Nigel Saxtonhouse, although was mildly disappointed to find him indulging in the rather irksome practice of consuming a rolled oatbar before paying for it. He also had in his basket some Gaviscon sachets, intended to combat the heartburn he was suffering as a result of an over-zealously spiced home-made Mexican meal the previous evening. His main reason for venturing into town however, he informed me mid-illicit chomp, had been to pick up a new addition to the family, Harvey, whom he had located in the Bournemouth Echo's classified section, for his granddaughter Tamara's imminent birthday. Unfortunately, his plans had been waylaid by topping up his radiator with Sprite by mistake, and he was now awaiting the RAC to give him a tow to the nearest garage. On the plus side, he was intending to make the most of the opportunity to have a new set of reasonably priced hub covers attached.

All in all, Mr. Brown, it has been a bit of an odd day, and I am now at home watching some historical artefact-based afternoon television.

I am very sorry that I have not been able to offer up any further dread cyphers and apologise for wasting your time in this matter.

Yours sincerely

Derek Philpott

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Mr. Brown!

 

Re: F.E.A.R again!

 

It is now the next day and I have just inexpicably woken up with, for no reason at all, a headful of splendid full stop intervaled despair examples which I am anxious and delighted to impart for your delectation!

 

Full English Artery Restrictor

Fried Eggs And Rashers

Famous East Anglian Raconteur

Fictional Extra-Terrestrial Audio Recording

Fair Evading Argumentative Rapscallion

Friendly Environment Antagonising Radio

Fervant Evangelist Angers Rabbi

Feisty Exclaimations Admonish Rhianna

Fire Exit At Rear

Flu Epidemic Attacks Relation

Forest Evoking Aromatic Radox

Fractured Empty Aromatherapy Receptacle

Fluid Endangers Aisle Ramblers

Foam Erupts Allergic Reaction

Flapjack Eaten At Retailers

Fajita Enhanced Acid Reflux

Fluffy Eared Albino Rabbit

Faulty Engine Aborts Rendezvous

Ford Escort Accident Recovery

Fixing Economy Alloy Rims

Falmouth Edition Antiques Roadshow

 

Yours

 

 

Derek Philpott :)*

 

 

*denotes ''happy face''

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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