Dear Huey Lewis
Re: The Power Of Love
I recently acquired a Netflicks receiver and earlier today chanced upon a delightful film called ‘Back To The Future’, which I found to be most entertaining despite telling the tale of a young man attempting to avoid his mother for extremely distressing reasons. It was whilst watching the highly improbable ‘adventure comedy’ that I became aware of your pop song ‘The Power Of Love’, which was strongly prevalent in the 'opening scene'.
Unfortunately, my initial partiality towards your jocose ‘hit record’ has now significantly paled as a direct result of repeated exposure to the questionable and somewhat dubious ‘lyrics’ that you huskily deliver in juxtaposition to its jolly ‘synth based hook’.
As the young Mr. Fox deftly lets go of a fast moving ‘pick up truck’ in order to continue his perilous and Californian Drivers’ Handbook flouting skateboard journey courtesy of the rear of a blue Jeep, you clearly state that strong feelings of romantic attachment are capable of causing a bird of prey (sub group accipitrinae) such as, for example, a red kite, falcon or harrier, to transmogrify into a small example of the pigeon genus (columbidae). Not only would such a metamorphosis be invaluable if adapted and applied to the field of medical advancement, but it would also be a most excellent addition to the repertoires of Paul Daniels or David Copperfield. If, which I sadly doubt, you could possibly furnish me with specific instructions pertaining as to precisely how love can change a hawk into a little white dove, I will pass them on by recorded delivery to both my GP, Dr. Newbury, and the respective agents or managers representing the aforementioned magicians (the latter in exchange for a generous pre-negotiated emolument which I will be happy to share with you as the originator of the procedure).
Later on, just as Mr. Fox’s unwitting taxi negotiates a decidedly hazardous left turn which our protagonist seems to think could be somehow rendered safer by his crouching down slightly, you state that I “don't need no credit card to ride this (unspecified) train”. Ignoring for the moment that;
a) a locomotive cannot be ‘ridden’ or steered by a passenger on the basis that he or she is prohibited by the applicable bye-law (13(1)) from leaving any customer designated carriage or facility and entering the driver compartments or ‘cab’
b) you have inaccurately employed the double negative
I must inform you that were I to board a Southern Railway service from Southbourne to any destination without first purchasing a valid ticket for my entire journey or presenting if required to do so a valid Permit to Travel, I would, if apprehended by a staff member trained as an Authorised Collector and clearly displaying an ID card to that effect, be subject to a possible court appearance and at the very least a Penalty Fare of £20 or twice the full single fare (whichever greater) to the next stop, in addition to the full single fare to complete my journey , irrespective of whether or not I had my Santander card upon my person at the time. This, Mr. Lewis, is ‘more than a feeling’; it is an incontrovertible truth fact based on the fact that the Network concerned have been permitted to levy such fines by the Department of Transport in accordance with the Railways Act of 1994 (as amended to the Transport Act 2000), and is clearly set out in the leaflet freely available on their 'website'. The wording, Mr. Lewis, is clear, and not open to dubious interpretation in line with the irreverent guidance of third party popstars.
With reference to the title of the song itself, my good friend Wilf Turnbull is curious as to whether you are able to quantify the power of love with a numerical or formulaic equation. Please do not worry if you are unable to provide him with an immediate response; such is the likely complex algebra involved in calculating such a theorem that he has approached Jennifer Rush and Frankie Goes To Hollywood in the past with similar enquiries and has advised me that they too are yet to respond to him in the pre-paid Jiffy bags submitted to their respective ‘fan clubs’. If, as you state, the principle is sufficient in scope to be fundamentally responsible for the Earth rotating upon its axis, then such an extended delay is not to be wholly unexpected.
Although, Mr. Lewis, I do have further issues with your composition (specifically concerning extreme fondness being of a superior constitution to the hardest known natural material known to man, and the workings of the mind of an errant immature female during sleep) I am pleased to inform you that overall I am quite taken with its not unpleasant melody. I therefore have no hesitation in wishing you and your topical affair-monickered ‘backing band’ every success in your own future and I trust that your reputation as ‘Sports’ will be to the ‘Fore’ in relation to my observations.