Dear Heaven 17
Thank you for your invitation to “Come Live With Me”. Unfortunately, Olive and I are unable to accept, as we feel that you may not have considered the full implications of such an arrangement. We both enjoy peace and quiet now and again at our age, and while we are very fond of your tuneful offerings, I fear that the constant accompaniment of “New Wave Synth Pop” may eventually lead to domestic discord. In addition, we already have a nice house, and have got rather used to using the bathroom and other facilities at our own pace. We would love to visit you one day, and of course you would be most welcome to pop in at Turnbull Towers. If you are looking for more permanent “house mates,” may I suggest you approach “Living In A Box,” who I believe are in less than satisfactory accommodation at present.
On a different note, I must congratulate you on highlighting the dangers of being “Crushed by the Wheels of Industry”. Our neighbour Gordon Gillard has recently acquired a mobility scooter, and has been driving it in a frankly reckless manner. Olive had a narrow escape on Thursday afternoon when he almost ran over her foot on the corner of Herberton Road. I appreciate that after years of shuffling with a walking stick, the “Temptation” of the accelerator pedal is irresistible, but he is an absolute menace to pedestrians in the Southbourne area, particularly when travelling downhill. In the interests of road safety, perhaps you could write a characteristically catchy song advising Gordon to slow down, as he does not appear to listen to me.
Reply from Glenn Glegory, Heaven 17, received 1/4/2014
Thank you very much for your letter. I must admit, I was at first disappointed at your turning down of my offer to “Come Live With Me” but on reflection I can see that it was perhaps a little forward and to be honest, I think a rather impractical proposal. There would of course