Dear Mr. Costello and ‘The Attractions’

 

Having ascertained that you don’t


wanna kiss me                                                (No Action)


wanna touch                                                   (No Action)

 

wanna see me                                                 (No Action)

 

miss me that much                                           (No Action)

 

really give a damn                                            (This Year’s Girl)

 

want me to mumble if I’m in the combo            (The Beat)

 

want to disease me                                          (The Beat)

 

wanna freeze me                                              (The Beat)

 

wanna lick them - I beg your pardon??             (The Beat)

 

wanna be a lover                                              (The Beat)

 

go out much at night                                         (The Beat)

 

go out much at all                                            (The Beat)

 

wanna chitter-chat                                           (Pump It Up)

 

really need it (to be pumped up)                      (Pump It Up)

 

wanna be hung up, strung up when I don’t call up               (Little Triggers)

 

want to hear another word about young lovers                    (You Belong To Me)

 

wanna be a goody-goody.                                                  (You Belong To Me)

 

want just anybody                                                             (You Belong To Me)

 

want anybody                                                                   (You Belong To Me)

 

want me to ask you to apologise                                         (Hand In Hand)

 

want me to make any sudden movements                   (Lip Service)

 

want me to act like I’m above you                             (Lip Service)

 

like those other guys looking at my curves (????)         (Living In Paradise)

 

like me walking round with physical jerks                  (Living In Paradise)

 

want me to to say I love you when it's just a rumour (???)         (Lipstick Vogue)

 

want me to say a word if there is any doubt                       (Lipstick Vogue)

 

want to look                                                                    (Night Rally)

 

like that they don’t wanna hear about it                            (Radio Radio)

 

have to be lucky                                                        (Running Out Of Angels)

 

like that I don't wanna hear about that                              (Green Shirt)

 

know where to begin                                                  (Accidents Will Happen)

 

want to hear it                                                             (Accidents Will Happen)

 

want me to start you talking                                                 (Oliver’s Army)

 

like that some don't grow up at all                                   (Goon Squad)

 

want me to look under the bed                                       (Sunday’s Best)

 

like that I tell you I don't care                                           (Busy Bodies)

 

like that I still don't know what to do                            (Chemistry Class)

 

have to talk at all                                                          (Two Little Hitlers)

 

want me to change a hair for you                                  (My Funny Valentine)

 

listen                                                                           (Talking In The Dark)

 

fancy                                                                            (Talking In The Dark)

 

want me to interrupt *                                                    (Love For Tender)

 

want me to turn around                                                   (Opportunity)

 

know why I can't see                                                      (The Imposter)

 

stop yourself from loving me                     (I Can't Stand Up For Falling Down)

 

want to look                                                           (Black And White World)

 

want me to stick you on the late shift                          (5ive Gears In Reverse)

 

want me to let you interrupt me, contrary to*               (5ive Gears In Reverse)

 

want the woman to adore you                                              (B Movie)

 

want some fool asking you why                                            (B Movie)

 

want to know much about much                                       (Human Touch)

 

have any choice                                              (Beaten To The Punch)

 

want me to come any closer                                   (Girl's Talk)

 

want me to come any nearer                                   (Girl's Talk)

 

have to share with anybody else                     (Getting Mighty Crowded)

 

mind putting the time in                                              (So Young)

 

like that I don't mind sticking the sticker in                  (So Young)

 

know if you could give me anything but sorrow       (Just A Memory)

 

have memories that mean that much to you              (Just A Memory)

 

want me pass out now                                                (Clubland)

 

wanna be first                                                    (You'll Never Be A Man)

 

think pretty words mean much anymore                   (Pretty Words)

 

mean to be mean much anymore                              (Pretty Words)

 

know what's what                                                     (Pretty Words)

 

know what you got                                                   (Pretty Words)

 

want to be a puppet or a ventriloquist                         (Strict Time)

 

want me to touch that dial                                           (Strict Time)

 

want me to start my morning moaning                       (Luxembourg)

 

want me to say a word                                         (Watch Your Step)

 

want me to say anything                                        (Watch Your Step)

 

want me to get you wrong                             (From A Whisper To A Scream)

 

want me to leave you waiting for too long        (From A Whisper To A Scream)     

 

want to hear your my life story                               (Different Finger)

 

even know my second name                                   (Different Finger)

 

think I have to take it when he gets cruel                 (White Knuckles)

think I have to take it so I just give in                      (White Knuckles)

think dreams come cheap                                        (White Knuckles)

 

close your eyes when you go to sleep                      (White Knuckles)

 

know why I don't come around anymore                  (White Knuckles)

 

think you actually have to read it                            (Fish 'N Chip Paper)       

 

have a clue                                                       (Black Sails In The Sunset)

 

like that you are not desired                                (Tweny Five to Twelve)

 

like that I don't love you like I used to do    (Why Don't You Love Me (Like You Used To Do)?)

 

get nearer, further, closer than a country mile  (Why Don't You Love Me (Like You Used To Do)?)

 

like that I am not the sort I used to be  (Why Don't You Love Me (Like You Used To Do)?)

 

like that I don't spark you like I used to   (Why Don't You Love Me (Like You Used To Do)?)

 

like that I don't love you, it's plain                          (Sweet Dreams)

 

want no one but me to love you                              (I'm Your Toy)

 

like that the wine don't take effect the way it used to

                                                                (Tonight The Bottle Let Me Down)

even care                                                    (A Good Year For The Roses)

 

want no talking back                                               (Honey Hush)

 

let waterworks move you no more                           (Honey Hush)   

 

know what's right or wrong                                  (How Much I Lied)

 

want me to forget how much I lied                        (How Much I Lied)

 

know if my memory has got you                              (He's Got You)

 

want me to wait for the mailman                   (There Won't Be Anymore)

 

want me to wait for the telephone                   (There Won't Be Anymore)

 

want Johnny's pup handed to you                                 (Psycho)

 

want to be told that Betty Clark is dead                        (Psycho)

 

care that I don't call                            (My Shoes Keep Walking Back To You)

 

want to talk about it anymore                           (Tears Before Bedtime)

 

want to have another fight                                (Tears Before Bedtime)

 

lie awake all night                                             (Tears Before Bedtime)

 

think they deserve us                                           (And In Every Home)

 

want me to get smart or sarcastic                          (The Loved Ones)

 

want me to pin a medal on you yet                        (The Loved Ones)

 

believe in miracles                                             (Boy With A Problem)

 

want me to look at you                                          (You Little Fool)

 

think I believe your heart is in the right place             (Town Cryer)

 

think I mind I may never get to sleep again      (The World of Broken Hearts)    

 

think I get in                                                   (The World of Broken Hearts) 

 

want to be seen about                                               (Night Time)

 

know where to draw the line                                      (Night Time)

 

believe it                                                                  (I Turn Around)

 

believe I desire you (a fair point)                          (Seconds of Pleasure)

 

think I talk like I have a brain in my head             (The Stamping Ground)


think I act like I have a care in my bed                 (The Stamping Ground)

 

want me to tell you I don't know what love is       (Everyday I Write The Book)

 

want me to tell you I don't know the difference      (Everyday I Write The Book)

 

need my indecision                                                   (TKO (Boxing Day))

 

need my permission                                                   (TKO (Boxing Day))

think I look so glamorous                                           (TKO (Boxing Day))

think they care what they do to me                              (King of Thieves)

 

want boys to dilly dally                                                 (Pills and Soap)

 

want trouble                                                      (Town Where Time Stood Still)

 

know where to start                                                     (Home Truth)

 

want me to arouse suspicion                               (Room With No Number)

 

want your baby to move a muscle                              (Inch By Inch)

 

want your baby to flinch                                             (Inch By Inch)

 

want me to try to stop you                                          (Inch By Inch)

 

think I don't see how I've changed                               (Love Field)

 

want me to let then see my crying that way              (Joe Porterhouse)

 

want me to let then see my laughing that way           (Joe Porterhouse)

 

want me to wake him                                              (Joe Porterhouse)

 

know which is worse                                           (Sour Milk-Cow Blues)

 

think I know where to start or where to stop         (The Deportees Club)

 

listen to a word they say                                           (Baby It's You)

 

think I know what I don't allow                        (I Hope You're Happy Now)

 

give in                                                                   (Sleepless Nights)

 

think the lonely hearts club clientele know what to do with their hands

                                                                                 (Our Little Angel)

             

think there is a place even angels don't understand      (Our Little Angel)

 

wish to be misunderstood                           (Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood)

 

even try                                                                  (Indoor Fireworks)

 

think indoor fireworks burn up in the sky - correct         (Indoor Fireworks)

 

want me to think for a moment we'll ever be through       (Indoor Fireworks)

 

think I know what is wrong with you                             (I'll Wear It Proudly)

 

think I know what I've missed                                       (I'll Wear It Proudly)

 

speak any English - debatable                                  (American Without Tears)

 

know how we came to grow                                         (Poisoned Rose)

 

think I bother                                                                 (Suit of Lights)

 

policemen armed with Uzis speak                          (The People's Limousine)      

 

think I need the same old rivet gun                               (Suffering Face)

 

think I know what you want - correct                      (King Of Confidence)

 

know if you hear me start-a-squawkin'     (The Only Daddy That'll Walk The Line)


want me makin' promises I can't keep

                                 (Your Mind Is On Vacation / Your Funeral And My Trial)

 

think I like this little song you singin'

                                 (Your Mind Is On Vacation / Your Funeral And My Trial)

 

think I can treat me no better

                                (Your Mind Is On Vacation / Your Funeral And My Trial)

 

think cheap white plastic shoes walk out                    (Uncomplicated)

 

think cheap white plastic shoes let in                          (Uncomplicated)

 

spare the hearses                                                 (Tokyo Storm Warning)

 

think you can live without me                                      (I Want You)

 

think I don't get well no more                                     (I Want You)

 

want it to break                                                          (Blue Chair)

 

know how to hold on to me                                    (Crimes of Paris)

 

think I know the facts of life, boy                            (Poor Napoleon)

 

think I know what these things cost                        (Poor Napoleon)

 

care about all that modern jazz                    (Baby's Got A Brand New Hairdo)

 

think I speak any English - incorrect              (American Without Tears #2)

 

think I don't know what hope is                              (Clown Strike)

 

think I have any pride                                             (Clown Strike)

 

think I have to play so hard                                    (Clown Strike)

 

think I have to go so far                                        (Clown Strike)

 

think I have to tumble for you                                (Clown Strike)

 

think I believe you                                      (You Tripped At Every Step)

 

want me to let you lose heart                                (20% Amnesia)

 

demand that I listen you                                        (20% Amnesia)

 

want me to try to touch your heart                          (All The Rage)

 

want me to try to read your mind                            (All The Rage)

 

count blessings                                                      (Favourite Hour)

 

think it makes a difference to me             (The Other End (Of The Telescope))

 

want a baby to say a word                     (The Other End (Of The Telescope))

 

want to hurt me now                              (The Other End (Of The Telescope))

 

think I like your song                                            (Little Atoms)

 

care if you're right or wrong                                 (Little Atoms)

 

think I have to take it from you                     (Complicated Shadows)

 

have the love in her heart                      (Why Can't A Man Stand Alone?)

 

have the strength to begin with               (Why Can't A Man Stand Alone?)

 

know where to begin confessing                       (Distorted Angel)

 

know who to tell to go to hell                            (Distorted Angel)

 

know what you did to make me cry                   (Distorted Angel)

 

know why I absolutely deny I bowed down           (You Bowed Down)

 

want to go to Chelsea                          ((I Don’t Want To Go To) Chelsea)

 

want to check my pulse                       ((I Don’t Want To Go To) Chelsea)

 

want nobody else                                 ((I Don’t Want To Go To) Chelsea),

 

 

one must respectfully ask what you do want and what would be required for you to ''Get Happy''!

 

Yours

 

 

 

Derek Philpott

 

 

Dear Mr Philpott

I don’t think I can speak on the songwriter’s behalf. I don’t think he would want me to either. However, I draw your attention to the song I Want You (on the Blood and Chocolate long-playing disc) — which turns out to be a somewhat psychotic ditty of vaguely murderous intent. Accordingly, I would suggest that you leave Mr Costello to his protestations, rather than encourage him with this kind of more ‘positive’ assertion.

I do feel he could’ve saved himself, you, and me considerable time and effort if he’d simply taken a leaf out of Ms Toni Braxton’s (song)book and got it all over with in a single song, as did she in the popular tune ''I Don't Want To'':-

Things Ms. Braxton states that 'I Don't Want/Feel Like':

 

Talking on the phone

Company at home
To do the things she used to do
To sing another love song babe
To hum another melody
To live life without a babe
Smiling anymore

To love

To live

To laugh

To play
To talk

 

I don’t know why, Mr Philpott, you spent three days you will never get back compiling such a list in the first place. I don’t want anything else to do with your half-witted project, in fact…. I don’t want to hear from you again.

With cordial best regards, as ever

 

Bruce Thomas


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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