Dear Ms. Gaskin and Mr. Stewart
On my son’s 13th in 1978 he ''threw a strop'' upon finding when he opened his main present that the Buddy Holly album he had asked for was in actuality the soundtrack to the film and was therefore sung all the way through by Gary Busey. As he was having friends over, however, we demanded that he put a brave face on it or else he would ruin the party for everyone.
Similarly, even if your initial suspicions were founded and 'your' Johnny and Judy left at the same time to venture to a mysterious location (and assuming that he was not holding her hand to platonically help her down over a particularly steep step), to 'cry if you want to' is a no no.
Furthermore, your get out clause, I would cry too if it happened to me, is unacceptable given the extreme unlikelihood of a uniform empathy throughout the entire record buying public (or what remains of those who still expect to purchase music).
Finally, considering that your birthday bash is an evening affair, as evidenced by your guests playing your records and dancing all night, one finds it difficult to believe that any jewellers were open in order that Judy may return wearing his ring. Sadly the only conclusion to be drawn from such an after hours finger adornment is that she had made her selection and been measured up previously, proof that the infidelity had been going on for quite a while
In conclusion, it is hoped that you will ‘let it go’ and are not planning any form of retribution, as perhaps hinted at within your ‘promotional video’ which rather worryingly features lots of footage of Kendoka warriors in training
Derek Philpott (and son)
From: Dave Stewart & Barbara Gaskin
45 Letsby Avenue
The People's Republic of Scotland
Dear Mr. Philpott,
Thank you for your comments on our 1981 single 'It's My Party'. If we may so, your son sounds like a right spoiled bastard. There again, forcing the wretched youth to listen to Gary Busey singing Buddy Holly's greatest hits on his birthday seems a cruel and unusual punishment, raising serious doubts re. your parenting skills. Were Social Services alerted?
Such concerns aside, your criticisms of our record were clearly not shared by the MILLIONS OF PEOPLE who bought it, sending it (as we never tire of reminding everyone) to the TOP OF THE UK SINGLES CHART and making it a SMASH HIT ALL OVER THE WORLD - not least in Germany, where it earned its place in the Deutschland Popmusik hall of fame alongside masterpieces such as '99 Luftballons' and the immortal 'Da Da Da'.
Your accusations nevertheless contain some interesting points.....
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