Dear Buzzcocks


Re: Ever Fallen In Love With Someone You Shouldn’t Have Fallen In Love With?

 

I recently attempted to 'sign up' for Tesco's online grocery service, which completion process was conditional upon my submitting a memorable date as a ‘password safeguard’. For reasons that I care not to dwell on now that I am happily married, I typed in ‘Phyllis Wisbey’, who was rejected by the 'server' on the grounds that she was not an actual day, month and year. Unlike the title of your “singles collection”, there was never a time that we were “going steady”, which I now with hindsight see as a blessing given that she was last spotted some months ago by my next door but one neighbour Gordon Gilliard next to the Wave 105.2fm hot air balloon in Bournemouth Gardens, dressed in a towelling robe and simultaneously drinking from two cans of premium strength lager whilst shouting at a retreating squirrel. I too, Buzzcocks, could not see much of a future and thankfully so, for had our relationship flourished beyond that first unorthodox encounter, I fear that I would have had no option but to reluctantly yet emphatically respond to your punk rock enquiry in the affirmative, sincerely doubting that I would be happy nowadays

 

Never mind, Buzzcocks. I am now blissfully content happy with my wife of many years longstanding, Jean, who wishes to join me in commending you for alerting the youth of today to the pitfalls of embarking on a potentially perilous relationship, and we wish you well in your future career.

 

Yours

 

 

Derek Philpott

 

P.S. Jean has just heard some more of your "Best Of" CD (which my son left in the glove compartment by mistake) on my Honda stereo. Sadly the first few 'tracks' skip owing to what looks like a spiral scratch on the surface, but she is quite taken with the one that she now calls 'The Hairspray Song" owing to its close lyrical resemblance to the lacquer that she likes to spray on her head before a night out at the Gala Bingo on Christchurch Road. I apologise profusely

 

 

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