Dear 5 Star

Re: Can't Wait Another Minute

I recently heard your ‘electro smash’ on my Honda Accord hi-fi, and, whilst rather taken with its synthethic melody, was irked by a jarring contradiction inherent within the work's pivotal crux.

It is apparent that the 'lead singer' of your quintet is quite impatient to instigate a rendezvous with her paramour prior to the expiry of a 60 second delay. However, instead of attending to her romantic desires immediately, the young lady paradoxically opts to bemoan her plight and allow time for a rudimentary 'guitar solo', for a full 4 minutes and 17 seconds. This frittering away of 3 minutes and 17 seconds does appear, if you do not mind me saying so, a rather frivolous and foolhardy infringement of the self-imposed coupling deadline, which in itself seems too long if the impassioned insistence of her delivery is anything to go by. One is therefore led to naturally conclude that your computer derived composition could have been more aptly titled “I Am Looking Forward To Starting A Relationship With You In Approximately Four Minutes And Seventeen Seconds From The Commencement Of This Song’.

My grievances concerning your ‘output’ sadly continue with regard to a further release, namely that which appears to infer a psychological dependency upon an assemblage of correlated members or parts forming a complex or unitary whole. I am bamboozled as to how one may become a ‘System Addict’, but still hope that I have misheard the chorus and that it does not concern a habitual obsession with the flushing mechanism of a toilet.

Overall, however, my wife Jean and I are great admirers of your 'sound' and eagerly await 'The Romford Jacksons'' next hit, which, given the 20 or so years that you thusfar taken to prepare it, promises to be very special indeed!

Yours

Derek Philpott

 

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